The rants of a twenty something SAHM/child care provider.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Four year old boys and company don't mix
Today was a long day. Today was the one day I decided to stay in my sweat pants. I don't do this often because I try really hard to be professional but I didn't have very many kids coming today and so I thought, what the hell.
There is an evil force out there that determines that the day I put my sweat pants on is the day that everybody comes to call. Last time I decided to stay in my sweats the health inspector showed up unexpectedly at my house, I was so insanely embarrassed!!!! Today I put my sweats on and all of my clients decided to stop by for friendly visits. I usually LOVE when my clients hang out to chat with me. I don't get a lot of adult interaction so I really do relish any adult time I can steal. But today, oh man, I was so embarrassed. Me in my stained and torn sweats, my greasy hair, unvacuumed house, no bra, torn sweater, and toys everywhere. Why today? Why? Now they all probably think that I look like this all of the time. To add to my utterly loathsome appearance was my son. He is generally on his worse behavior when I have company, I think he gauges the times when he can push Mommy damn near the edge and then decides to not only push her over but set her on fire and laugh as she falls. He was INSANE!!!!! INSANEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! There is no excuse for his behavior, he was horrible. He climbed, he screamed, he attacked baby girl and the mutt, he climbed on my clients who looked less than thrilled, and he threw fit after fit after fit. I wanted to scream and kick and lock him away but I could not. Why does he do this? I'm beginning to loose my confidence as a mother, my child is not a human but a tazmanian devil on a search and destroy mission of my home and my sanity. He's winning and I'm ready to just hand him the trophy.
I watch him sleep at night and his beatiful fat little cheeks squeeze up and down and I love him so much. My heart beats out of my chest with love for him. Then the morning comes and this thing, this crazed energizer bunny comes screaming into the room and I think to myself...."self, shit...shit...shit....are we going to make it through this day? Self? Hello, self? Shit, self ran away!"
Don't get me wrong, I do love Bubby, more than anything in this entire world. But I need a break. I wish my mom lived closer and my sister didn't move away. I wish my cousins weren't so self involved and would offer to help me like I have helped with their children. But most of all I wish that Bubby would stop spilling his carrots all over the couch and crawl into Mommy's lap and nestle his sweaty sticky little head on my shoulder and hug me and make everything else dissappear.